You've been rumbled

I was watching Emmerdale the other week when something struck me, why the hell I am watching Emmerdale!!! Only joking what struck me was the comedy moments where you could tell it was fake. OK I'm not surprised as soaps are fake pretending to be real life and therefore will occasionally look fake because, well, it is. I'm not talking fake in the sense of story lines that are beyond belief but the little moments that scream out fakery. The first of these was when a character was picking up some 'heavy suitcases'. His lines and actions where telling me they were extremely heavy, but looking at him you could see that in fact the suitcases weren't heavy at all and in fact he lifted them quite easily on a number of occasions. Another thing you see along these lines in TV programmes is when a character drinks from a mug/cup, sometimes you can instantly tell the cup is empty. As I mentioned though soaps aren't real and only used for entertainment purposes so these moments of fakery and the wildly over the top story lines are necessary as who the hell would watch if it depicted everyday boring life in which nothing much happens (well not in mine anyway!). This got me thinking about adverts and how fakery is used. Firstly adverts are mostly fake, depicting products in a way that makes them appealing in order to increase awareness of that brand and attempt to increase sales. Take for example fast food, where the adverts make the products look great, but have you ever got a burger that looked exactly like the one on the advert, probably not, then theres the whole current debate about the use of photoshop/airbrushing in adverts. But just like soaps if these adverts didn't use over the top storylines or a bit of fakery then the chances are people would be not be interested and therefore not buy the product. However I do have a problem when it comes to adverts that pretend to be real with 'real people'. My current annoyance on this subject is with the t mobile adverts. Before I go on I have nothing against the adverts themselves as they are quite good and the strategy of bringing people together in the 'life is for sharing' strapline is a really good idea. However its the pure fakery of the ads that really does my head in. Take for example the first of their ads with the flashmob dance, OK the flash mob thing is fake because you have to set the whole thing up, that's not the problem (excluding the blatant idea steal from improv everywhere) but what really gets me is the plants stuck around the station with their mobile phones recording it, these aren't 'real people' who just happen to have caught the event by chance but definite plants. Then you have the sing along, another major public event in which you get people to use their mobile to share things. Again its good idea, but once again i'm put off with the fakery of it all. Surely this moment is faked!!



And finally with have their current run of ads on the streets of Manchester asking 'real people' what they would do with free minutes etc.. Again this is ruined by the obvious fakeness of the people on screen. They are trying to make out they just asked random people on the street, but a few scream out actors especially the girl at about 6 secs with her 'boyfriend', don't listen to what he is saying just watch her face, its not normal! Especially in the extended ad for the ad when he goes on about calling his nan the emotions she puts through her face are so false.

Starting a revolutio..
Watch the ad...

Oh and that brings me neatly on to my occasional item people I'd like to punch in adverts. Can you spot who it is. Yes its that gimp in green shouting down his god dam phone!!!

No Eclipse, with 300..
Watch the ad...

Zinger!!!!

Microsoft has never been one for for great advertising, to be honest back in the 90's/ early 00's it didn't really need to have great advertising as it was pretty much a monopoly, being the go to brand for any computer programmes and was pretty much everywhere. OK there where macs and other operating systems but these where the domain of the computer nerd! Pretty much every PC sold in the UK was run on a windows OS and you always needed essentials such as Office, so Microsoft was in a great position. Microsoft is still the dominant player in the market, with most computers sold operating the windows system, but however there's more competition especially from the mac which has seen its popularity soar! With Apples popularity soaring advertising has become alot more important to Microsoft to try and win over customers about its often criticised products. But it continues to fail to reach the standards set by Apple. While Apple produces sleek, desirable ads that make the product cool/aspirational and highlight the benefits of the product (mac vs pc) Microsoft follows with what seam to be clumsy, cheesy ads that fail to impress with its features such as movie making and basically a copy of the Apple ad with 'i'm a PC'. However bad Microsoft's advertising efforts have been in the past their latest offering is surely the worst yet!!

To promote the up coming launch of windows 7, their new operating system, they have decided to launch a campaign to get people to host windows 7 launch parties with their friends!!! What a bad idea! Who in their right mind would want to have a party to celebrate the release of a new operating system? At first you think maybe its a party, like new years eve, with a countdown and everything! Maybe its a party in the street as you queue up outside your nearest branch of PC World for 3 days, with the hope of being the first to get your hands on this amazing new release! Well its none of them, its much worse!!! The party they are suggesting is pretty much a sales pitch! Thinking about it I have seen this tactic before. I have been to Spain loads of times and every holiday you get timeshare people on the streets giving out scratchcards, these are the type of cards where everyone is a winner!!! To claim the prize you are shipped off in a taxi to some place in the middle of nowhere where they say you just have to fill in a few forms and the prize is yours! It all sound fantastic! But when you get there its a bloody sales pitch for some timeshare operation that lasts hours and you stick around thinking when it finishes you will get the prize, but by the time you realise it you've been there all day, wont ever get the prize and when you leave you have to pay for your taxi back to the resort. This campaign by Microsoft is pretty much the same idea but much more discrete. You invite your friends over to your house with the promise of a great party, your friends think great a party, that will be nice. So you get yourself over to your mates with a few bottles of whatever expecting there to be great party, but once in your soon dragged into the sales pitch for windows 7 and its amazing new features!! You listen to presentations about these features and participate in activities that show these features off to the full. But even though it seams suspicious you stick around thinking that once your, now ex, mate has finished with the pitch the party can begin. OK it wont go as far as them actually trying to sell you the product and if you don't buy they turf you out into the middle of nowhere to find your own way back, but it might as well be. Theres a lovely bit in the video where he says "It helped me to remember that I'm not a sales man at this party" is he having a laugh!!!



Another thing that Microsoft has been criticised lately has been its political correctness in ads, lately changing a black guy to a white guy for a Polish ad (see below) and this one plays the race card again, trying to get as many demographics in one ad as they possibly can.


Oh and on the video listen out at the end for the "zinger" hilarious!!!

Bigger than Jesus!!!!

There is a lovely story in the Guardian about John Lennon famously saying that the Beatles where bigger then Jesus. But now through google trends we can see that he was absolutely right! (Well for a few days anyway!)

Jesus - blue

Beatles - red

Yes that's right in early September the Beatles where bigger than Jesus!!! So lets say the Beatles have taken the place of Jesus. If that's the case Kanye West must be god, for a short period of time anyway!

Kanye - yellowBut if we look back a little further we can really see who the religious super power we all should be worshipping is:
That's right the green line is the king, sorry now god (whats higher than god?) of pop Michael Jackson! But don't worry Jesus fans its only a blip, as if you look back at the previous 4 years Jesus has a commanding lead with only Kanye West (Sept 05, Sept 07 & Sept 09) and Michael Jackson (June 05 & Mar 09) overtaking his popularity for a short period of time.

Hold on a minute though, if it wasn't for Jacko's death and the Beatles rockband/album re-release that would mean that the only people to be more popular than Jesus in the period of 2005 - present would be Michael Jackson and Kanye West!!! Whats surprising is that Michael Jackson only peaks above the popularity of Jesus, exc his death, twice. While Kanye West has done it 3 times!!!! Kanye has recently come out and said he is the new king of pop which has caused alot of people to call him crazy, but in a way this is a direct mirror of John Lennon causing controversy by saying the Beatles where bigger than Jesus!! As you can see above though Lennon was not crazy, he was right (for a few days!). So therefore according to my newly created 'bigger than Jesus scale' (across the periods of 2005-2009) Kanye West has been bigger than Jesus more times than both the Beatles and Michael Jackson, therefore it could be assumed that Kanye West is not the new king of pop, but new god of pop, proving him right (in a way!).

So what have we learnt from google trends?

If we are talking consistant popularity: Jesus has it!

If we are talking one off search popularity : The Beatles where bigger than Jesus (for a few days), Kanye West (and also Taylor Swift ) where bigger than the Beatles (for a few days) but no one was as big as Michael Jackson. Jacko>Kanye West(Also Taylor Swift)>The Beatles>Jesus.

If we are talking the number of times you have been bigger than Jesus (2005-2009, exc deaths) then Kanye West wins with 3, Michael Jackson comes close with 2 and the Beatles trail with 1, Taylor Swift ties with the Beatles on 1!

Taylor Swift would be nothing without Kanye West.

Theres a whole new scale that can be used when judging popularity: the 'bigger than jesus scale' (I would credit to this to John Lennon but as he's dead I'm sure he wont mind that I take the credit!)

Stats can be made to prove anything!

Bad ads!!!

I have already mentioned on here my dislike of bingo ads and to be honest they seam to be dying down a little, but in there place comes another annoyance, Gold ads!!! God they do my head in!!! They all follow pretty much the same idea with some person telling us how gold prices have grown (helped usually with a handy graph in the background) and how they will send you a free gold kit (which is just a polythene bag and an envelope to send the gold back in). They also contain cheesy interviews with people who have sent there gold in a got so much money back!!! The first one is particularly annoying with what seams to be Barry Scott's brother!







The other one around shows some stereotypical toffs running around their mansion collecting up all their gold to send in, with stereotypical toff 'catty' voice sound effects for good measure! Hopefully I'll get it up when I find it on the net.

But don't be fooled the old bingo ad is still about and they have come up with another absolutely turd ad. The most disturbing thing about it has to be the eyes of the dog at 5 seconds!!!!



And to round off the turd ads we have to go with this one from Go Compare. Everyone is talking about that bloody meerkat so Go Compare had to up with a quirky character of their own (His name by the way is Gio Compario!!). Maybe they chose to go the annoying route where the ad is so cheesy and annoying that people remember it (think cilit bang!) but in effect they have just chose a really bad ad!! The tenor/tenner joke at the end is particularly bad!

This has got me really angry!!!!

Its hard to get a foot on the ladder when your starting out, especially in some industries where you have to 'prove' yourself through doing unpaid work experience placements. Before I start the rant I must say I have done a number of unpaid work experience placements, they have proved useful but have meant I have had to take a hit in the old finances with travel expenses etc. This hit can be bad for some especially if you have to pay for a hotel, as I know some people who have done this, but as the experiences are usually around two weeks the damage is limited. There is also the argument that by offering unpaid experiences you limit down your candidates just to, mainly, middle class/upper class educated people who can afford to work for free for a period of time, therefore depriving a larger number of people who are more than capable of doing the job, but cannot do so as they cannot afford not to work! The answer to both these problems is pay work experience! I think this is only fair as when you undertake work experience you don't just sit there watching, you perform actually duties that help out the company and in effect do a job for them, so as as you are doing a job you should be rewarded accordingly. Therefore companies should only offer work experience when they can pay the people for doing the placement and if they can't pay they shouldn't offer any placements!

With that in mind I found this morning a perfect example of how companies are exploiting graduates into working for a long period of time for no money, with the prospect that 'there could be a full time position at the end of it' .

Here's the job post in full

The Bank (I was going too keep the company name to myself, but sod it!!) has decided to look for a number of interns, firstly because the company is doing well and needs more people, but secondly because of the current employment situation for Graduates it is the right thing to do.

After several account wins this year, we are growing. We've recently employed a number of new employees and we are now looking for several interns to come and help our busy and vibrant agency.

We’re looking for intelligent and ambitious graduates (minimum 2:1 degree); wanting their first break into the agency-world.
You must be presentable and articulate, possess strong interpersonal skills, and have a great command of the English language.
This is a busy, fun but sometimes stressful environment, so a strong sense of humour and a degree of calm is absolutely necessary.

We would like successful candidates to commit to a minimum of 3 months

All sounds great so far, 3 months at an agency who seam to care that the graduate market is on its arse and want to do 'the right thing' by offering intern opportunities. Well I'm afraid their 'morals' go straight out the window with the remuneration!

We feel this is an opportunity for you to learn and gain industry experience first-hand. However, please note this is non-paid as we believe this is an internship of mutual benefit. We will though be paying travel expenses, and you will receive lunch each day (we have a fantastic award winning chef who feeds us all every day).
We are growing, and if you prove yourself over the 3 months whilst you’re here, employment is a real possibility.

Firstly if you are doing so well then you should be able to pay interns!

Secondly, you have narrowed your field down even more then I discussed previously from middle class who can afford it, to now only middle class who can afford it who live in London! Put it this way for a three month internship you would have to live in London with rent costing anything from £500 a month this means you could be paying a total of £1,500 exc food bills!!! That's a hell of a lot for anyone never mind graduates who are already thousands of pound in debt! So therefore this rules out anyone from outside the London area!

Thirdly this opportunity is not 'mutually beneficial' as you describe but only beneficial to you, the company, as you get someone in doing a job for no pay what so ever, and the argument that you are providing the person with invaluable experience and a great CV is a pile of sh*t!! Your employees are probably getting invaluable experience and a great CV but they are also getting paid for the job they do! Plus there is no guarantee of a job at the end of it, either at the company or any other company!

Fourthly, wow a top chef cooks lunch!!!! If, as I mentioned, the intern has to spend money on rent (£1500, exc food!!!) this may be the only meal the intern gets so it best be bloody good!

Why don't you stop pretending that you are doing this for the 'right reasons' and just say that you are doing this to get some kid in to do your dirty work for no pay what so ever! Maybe your just trying to justify it be making yourselves out to be the good Samaritans of the industry, well I can tell you that you ain't!!

Guilty Pleasures

I was reading the Guardian online the other day and there was an article about people's guilty pleasures. Some examples included things like watching their cat yawn, listening in on other peoples conversations/reading text messages over peoples shoulder, the smell of petrol, murder she wrote etc.. I remember one particular application I did asked to name a guilty pleasure of yours, looking back the answer I gave was pretty s**t, I said about the salad cream addiction I have, but I'm not guilty about it at all, in fact I tell pretty much anyone I meet about it! In essence I think I answered the question what are your peculiar pleasures in life?

Talking of guilty pleasures one that came up more than most was the Daily Mail Online and I know that me and Joe both share this pleasure. Reading the message boards is hilarious, especially if you start with the worst rated! As many on the guardian message board mentioned it makes you feel a lot better about yourself.

As well the Daily Mail another guilty pleasure has to be watching trash TV, I'm not talking the Hills or any sh*te like that here, the Hills and programmes like that are just crap where some people swan about doing nothing in particular and just look cool. The kind of programmes I'm talking about are things like Date my Mom, Sweet 16, Flavour of Love and my current favourite the Rock of Love! They're absolutely amazing, in fact some of the best shows on TV. For those that have never seen them here's a run down:

Date my Mom: Guy goes out on date with 3 girls 'moms' and chooses which girl to date from these. The best parts of the show come in the things the girls tell the mums not to say on the date (but say anyway!!!) and the cut away to the guys with the cheesy lines. Some particular favourites include the mom who talked about her daughter getting her period at a restaurant, the mom who was flirting with the guy in the pool and him using the lines "there was a lump in my throat....and in my pants!". This ends where the guy chooses the mum of the girl he wants to date. The bitter losers abuse the guy "Your not good enough for my daughter anyway etc..." and show what you could have won, while the winner runs over to the guy, hugs and they run off into the sunset, literally! It always adds extra comedy when the guy picks the worst of the pack!

Sweet 16: American spoilt brats get a 16th birthday party which involves getting a big expensive car, a rap group to sing at their party and everything else they want. The comedy comes when its not the right car/rap group, they embarrass themselves by trying to look cool by performing a choreographed dance routine on stage or one of the guests spoils the party. Their reactions to any of these are priceless!

Rock of Love and Flavour of Love: These are pretty much exactly the same show but both equally brilliant. The basic premise is you take one famous guy, a load of women/whores/attention seekers who want to date him and stick them on a show where they try to get dates with said man. You have to complete tasks to win the dates and when your on a date you have to impress or you could be kicked of the show, this usually means that the women go around snogging the face off the guy at any given opportunity and you best put out or your off! As well as this the girls usually get bitchy and cat fights happen pretty much every episode. Amazing! One of the greatest moments came in Flavour of Love, but I'll let Jimmy Carr explain it below much better than I ever could!

Hopefully I'll do more guilty pleasures in the future!

He's back!

I'm talking about the guy below! God he gets alot of work in ads. He was first spotted doing a burger king ad, he then moved up in the world staring in a national lottery scratchcard ad. Things then went a bit quiet, maybe he took some time off to spend the fortune he must of made!! But when your a serious actor (as he must be) the call of the stage/screen is too much and many are drawn back. Well the call of the ad has drawn this supreme talent back. Firstly to ease him back in, a return to a new burger king ad (which i cant find but its pretty much the same as the old burger king ad!) but for the second time he has two ads running at the same time as he stars in this carlsberg ad as well! God he is good! He has that everyman quality, everyone can identify with him and with that kind of talent he could go far!