What are you doing?

People do some weird stuff!!!! Myself included!

Currently its stupid photos from nights out that I find particularly annoying. I don't have a clue what I'm doing in them and look like a complete and utter fool! At least I can blame that on drink though and who doesn't have incredibly stupid picture of them when they where a little worse for wear?

Speaking of photos, cameras are another annoyance. I love taking pictures when there is something to take pictures of or there is a special event, but some people just take pictures of anything and that is bloody annoying! Oh lets take a picture of us on this generic street corner together, smile! Lets have a group photo right in the middle of our meal at a restaurant for no particular reason, cheese! I'm not saying camera use should be banned but maybe the use of cameras should be limited, especially on non special occasion nights out, non special event meals or just generally on random streets. By doing this it would also limit the amount of stupid photos I would see of myself acting like a tit on nights out!

However these things I mentioned are OK because everyone does it and its OK to make a bit of a tit of yourself when your with your friends.

Its when people are on their own and don't know they are making a tit of themselves it is extremely amusing. I've talked before about parenting styles and guilty pleasures but my trip into Manchester yesterday brought about some fantastic examples of people being down right weird!

Firstly we had the classic blasting music out on a mobile phone, why is it that they always play absolute garbage, usually happy hardcore or some bouncy club tunes, its not good music and makes you look like an absolute idiot!

The second is in fact two tales of people on mobile phones on the train! Usually its just a normal conversation, "I'm on the train","I'll be back in 20 minutes". I don't mind this as it usually has to be done but now on two occasions I've seen twists to this process that make people look ridiculous. The first one was on the way home from Manchester the other week, quite late on, a girl was a bit drunk on the phone and a bit loud which got a few looks, she didn't take kindly to one such look from another girl and a cat fight was on the cards for about 20mins until one got off with the other one saying"sort your life out!" as if talking loudly on your mobile whilst drunk was a reason to "sort your life out!". The second one was yesterday where a young guy was talking to his friend on the phone, whilst the train was at a station. The twist was his mate was stood outside on the platform!!! They had a five minute conversation on a mobile literally 3 metres apart, one on the train and one on the platform, waving at each other through the Glass whilst still on the phone. Maybe they had just got mobiles for the first time and thought it was like magic that they could speak to each other from such a huge distance apart or maybe they where just idiots!

Another train idiot was another young guy who waiting to get off the train. Sane people would just stand there and wait but this innovator used the head rests of the aisle seats as triceps dip bars and decided to multitask his wait with getting fit. Whilst he could be commended for trying to get fit and healthy, he did look like an prize idiot!

Finally a fully grown man said "whatever" in a 13 year old girl style and then proceeded to make the 'w' sign with his hands!!! Unbelievable!

Balloons

Local media don't really get that much news happening in areas and therefore have to run with silly stories about how a lost cat found its way home after 10 years, or an old women has just completed her black belt at the age of 97. One story that they always love, especially local papers, is the releasing of balloons, whether that's people releasing balloons for charity, in memory of someone who died or just to highlight a new campaign. So if you want some local coverage about an event just release some balloons and the local papers are bound to turn up. The subject of balloons came to my mind some months ago when balloons where released to highlight a local campaign for people to shop locally in St. Helens. I'm not going to go into my dislike of St Helens here, as anyone who knows me or even reads some of this blog will know this fact straight away, and how the campaign is likely to fail but I will talk about balloon releasing. I just don't understand why people release balloons to signify the start of a campaign, before I go on I would say that the only form of balloon releasing I don't understand is when it is done for for commercial campaign reasons, I can see why they do it for charity etc. Getting people to shop locally isn't helped by the council releasing balloons, maybe if they spent some money improving the town centre, offering free car parking or actually doing something to benefit shoppers maybe people would take note. I can just see in my mind two little old ladies "Lets go shopping in St. Helens" one says, the other replies "why have they got some better shops or improved the town centre?", "No they have just released some balloons and I thought we should go". I just don't see how it does anything!!!! Anyway this issue of balloons slipped my mind for a while but they have made a huge come back this week. Firstly there was the story of a balloon, which was released by a kid from a school event with his details attached, this balloon was found by the Queen and she sent him back a letter to let him know that she had found it. The disappointing part of the story was that the school was only a few miles down the road, it would have been much better if the kid had set the balloon off from Australia and the Queen found it in the gardens of Windsor Castle. Second we had the story of the kid being trapped in the runaway weather balloon, which we now know was probably faked as the parents of the child are media whores. Thirdly and most importantly we had the beach ball at Sunderland! All I can say to this is that its time we kicked beach balls out of football, we need to start a campaign to rid football of this menace!! Maybe we could have a balloon release to bring attention to this new campaign!

Kids you cant beat them, which in this case really is a shame

Channel 4 has some pretty good comedies particularly at the moment the latest series of the fantastic Peep show and the Inbetweeners. However it also has this new comedy series the school of comedy. Its a comedy written by adults performed by kids. This set alarm bells ringing straight away, anything with kids trying to act funny on the TV should be avoided like the plague! Being someone who likes to give most things a chance I decided to watch the first half of the first episode to see if my initial thoughts were a bit misguided. They weren't!!! It was possibly the worst thing I have ever seen on TV, apart from that documentary about men castrating themselves but that is a whole different ball game, excuse the pun. 15 minutes of kids trying to act funny, stupid jokes and them just calling each other names for sketches. It was like watching a school playground on TV. During the 15 minutes of life that I had just wasted I was asking a few questions in my mind 1.Who finds this funny? 2. Did this show have a pilot/test screening to test audience reaction and if so how the hell did it get commissioned? The only people I think it might appear funny to is 10 year olds who would think anything was the best thing ever if it swore on TV! On the plus side though it did allow me to bring a new person into the segment of people I f**kin hate on TV and would gladly punch!

I would put up a clip of him in action but I really cant stand to watch another clip of this god awful show!

You've been rumbled

I was watching Emmerdale the other week when something struck me, why the hell I am watching Emmerdale!!! Only joking what struck me was the comedy moments where you could tell it was fake. OK I'm not surprised as soaps are fake pretending to be real life and therefore will occasionally look fake because, well, it is. I'm not talking fake in the sense of story lines that are beyond belief but the little moments that scream out fakery. The first of these was when a character was picking up some 'heavy suitcases'. His lines and actions where telling me they were extremely heavy, but looking at him you could see that in fact the suitcases weren't heavy at all and in fact he lifted them quite easily on a number of occasions. Another thing you see along these lines in TV programmes is when a character drinks from a mug/cup, sometimes you can instantly tell the cup is empty. As I mentioned though soaps aren't real and only used for entertainment purposes so these moments of fakery and the wildly over the top story lines are necessary as who the hell would watch if it depicted everyday boring life in which nothing much happens (well not in mine anyway!). This got me thinking about adverts and how fakery is used. Firstly adverts are mostly fake, depicting products in a way that makes them appealing in order to increase awareness of that brand and attempt to increase sales. Take for example fast food, where the adverts make the products look great, but have you ever got a burger that looked exactly like the one on the advert, probably not, then theres the whole current debate about the use of photoshop/airbrushing in adverts. But just like soaps if these adverts didn't use over the top storylines or a bit of fakery then the chances are people would be not be interested and therefore not buy the product. However I do have a problem when it comes to adverts that pretend to be real with 'real people'. My current annoyance on this subject is with the t mobile adverts. Before I go on I have nothing against the adverts themselves as they are quite good and the strategy of bringing people together in the 'life is for sharing' strapline is a really good idea. However its the pure fakery of the ads that really does my head in. Take for example the first of their ads with the flashmob dance, OK the flash mob thing is fake because you have to set the whole thing up, that's not the problem (excluding the blatant idea steal from improv everywhere) but what really gets me is the plants stuck around the station with their mobile phones recording it, these aren't 'real people' who just happen to have caught the event by chance but definite plants. Then you have the sing along, another major public event in which you get people to use their mobile to share things. Again its good idea, but once again i'm put off with the fakery of it all. Surely this moment is faked!!



And finally with have their current run of ads on the streets of Manchester asking 'real people' what they would do with free minutes etc.. Again this is ruined by the obvious fakeness of the people on screen. They are trying to make out they just asked random people on the street, but a few scream out actors especially the girl at about 6 secs with her 'boyfriend', don't listen to what he is saying just watch her face, its not normal! Especially in the extended ad for the ad when he goes on about calling his nan the emotions she puts through her face are so false.

Starting a revolutio..
Watch the ad...

Oh and that brings me neatly on to my occasional item people I'd like to punch in adverts. Can you spot who it is. Yes its that gimp in green shouting down his god dam phone!!!

No Eclipse, with 300..
Watch the ad...

Zinger!!!!

Microsoft has never been one for for great advertising, to be honest back in the 90's/ early 00's it didn't really need to have great advertising as it was pretty much a monopoly, being the go to brand for any computer programmes and was pretty much everywhere. OK there where macs and other operating systems but these where the domain of the computer nerd! Pretty much every PC sold in the UK was run on a windows OS and you always needed essentials such as Office, so Microsoft was in a great position. Microsoft is still the dominant player in the market, with most computers sold operating the windows system, but however there's more competition especially from the mac which has seen its popularity soar! With Apples popularity soaring advertising has become alot more important to Microsoft to try and win over customers about its often criticised products. But it continues to fail to reach the standards set by Apple. While Apple produces sleek, desirable ads that make the product cool/aspirational and highlight the benefits of the product (mac vs pc) Microsoft follows with what seam to be clumsy, cheesy ads that fail to impress with its features such as movie making and basically a copy of the Apple ad with 'i'm a PC'. However bad Microsoft's advertising efforts have been in the past their latest offering is surely the worst yet!!

To promote the up coming launch of windows 7, their new operating system, they have decided to launch a campaign to get people to host windows 7 launch parties with their friends!!! What a bad idea! Who in their right mind would want to have a party to celebrate the release of a new operating system? At first you think maybe its a party, like new years eve, with a countdown and everything! Maybe its a party in the street as you queue up outside your nearest branch of PC World for 3 days, with the hope of being the first to get your hands on this amazing new release! Well its none of them, its much worse!!! The party they are suggesting is pretty much a sales pitch! Thinking about it I have seen this tactic before. I have been to Spain loads of times and every holiday you get timeshare people on the streets giving out scratchcards, these are the type of cards where everyone is a winner!!! To claim the prize you are shipped off in a taxi to some place in the middle of nowhere where they say you just have to fill in a few forms and the prize is yours! It all sound fantastic! But when you get there its a bloody sales pitch for some timeshare operation that lasts hours and you stick around thinking when it finishes you will get the prize, but by the time you realise it you've been there all day, wont ever get the prize and when you leave you have to pay for your taxi back to the resort. This campaign by Microsoft is pretty much the same idea but much more discrete. You invite your friends over to your house with the promise of a great party, your friends think great a party, that will be nice. So you get yourself over to your mates with a few bottles of whatever expecting there to be great party, but once in your soon dragged into the sales pitch for windows 7 and its amazing new features!! You listen to presentations about these features and participate in activities that show these features off to the full. But even though it seams suspicious you stick around thinking that once your, now ex, mate has finished with the pitch the party can begin. OK it wont go as far as them actually trying to sell you the product and if you don't buy they turf you out into the middle of nowhere to find your own way back, but it might as well be. Theres a lovely bit in the video where he says "It helped me to remember that I'm not a sales man at this party" is he having a laugh!!!



Another thing that Microsoft has been criticised lately has been its political correctness in ads, lately changing a black guy to a white guy for a Polish ad (see below) and this one plays the race card again, trying to get as many demographics in one ad as they possibly can.


Oh and on the video listen out at the end for the "zinger" hilarious!!!

Bigger than Jesus!!!!

There is a lovely story in the Guardian about John Lennon famously saying that the Beatles where bigger then Jesus. But now through google trends we can see that he was absolutely right! (Well for a few days anyway!)

Jesus - blue

Beatles - red

Yes that's right in early September the Beatles where bigger than Jesus!!! So lets say the Beatles have taken the place of Jesus. If that's the case Kanye West must be god, for a short period of time anyway!

Kanye - yellowBut if we look back a little further we can really see who the religious super power we all should be worshipping is:
That's right the green line is the king, sorry now god (whats higher than god?) of pop Michael Jackson! But don't worry Jesus fans its only a blip, as if you look back at the previous 4 years Jesus has a commanding lead with only Kanye West (Sept 05, Sept 07 & Sept 09) and Michael Jackson (June 05 & Mar 09) overtaking his popularity for a short period of time.

Hold on a minute though, if it wasn't for Jacko's death and the Beatles rockband/album re-release that would mean that the only people to be more popular than Jesus in the period of 2005 - present would be Michael Jackson and Kanye West!!! Whats surprising is that Michael Jackson only peaks above the popularity of Jesus, exc his death, twice. While Kanye West has done it 3 times!!!! Kanye has recently come out and said he is the new king of pop which has caused alot of people to call him crazy, but in a way this is a direct mirror of John Lennon causing controversy by saying the Beatles where bigger than Jesus!! As you can see above though Lennon was not crazy, he was right (for a few days!). So therefore according to my newly created 'bigger than Jesus scale' (across the periods of 2005-2009) Kanye West has been bigger than Jesus more times than both the Beatles and Michael Jackson, therefore it could be assumed that Kanye West is not the new king of pop, but new god of pop, proving him right (in a way!).

So what have we learnt from google trends?

If we are talking consistant popularity: Jesus has it!

If we are talking one off search popularity : The Beatles where bigger than Jesus (for a few days), Kanye West (and also Taylor Swift ) where bigger than the Beatles (for a few days) but no one was as big as Michael Jackson. Jacko>Kanye West(Also Taylor Swift)>The Beatles>Jesus.

If we are talking the number of times you have been bigger than Jesus (2005-2009, exc deaths) then Kanye West wins with 3, Michael Jackson comes close with 2 and the Beatles trail with 1, Taylor Swift ties with the Beatles on 1!

Taylor Swift would be nothing without Kanye West.

Theres a whole new scale that can be used when judging popularity: the 'bigger than jesus scale' (I would credit to this to John Lennon but as he's dead I'm sure he wont mind that I take the credit!)

Stats can be made to prove anything!

Bad ads!!!

I have already mentioned on here my dislike of bingo ads and to be honest they seam to be dying down a little, but in there place comes another annoyance, Gold ads!!! God they do my head in!!! They all follow pretty much the same idea with some person telling us how gold prices have grown (helped usually with a handy graph in the background) and how they will send you a free gold kit (which is just a polythene bag and an envelope to send the gold back in). They also contain cheesy interviews with people who have sent there gold in a got so much money back!!! The first one is particularly annoying with what seams to be Barry Scott's brother!







The other one around shows some stereotypical toffs running around their mansion collecting up all their gold to send in, with stereotypical toff 'catty' voice sound effects for good measure! Hopefully I'll get it up when I find it on the net.

But don't be fooled the old bingo ad is still about and they have come up with another absolutely turd ad. The most disturbing thing about it has to be the eyes of the dog at 5 seconds!!!!



And to round off the turd ads we have to go with this one from Go Compare. Everyone is talking about that bloody meerkat so Go Compare had to up with a quirky character of their own (His name by the way is Gio Compario!!). Maybe they chose to go the annoying route where the ad is so cheesy and annoying that people remember it (think cilit bang!) but in effect they have just chose a really bad ad!! The tenor/tenner joke at the end is particularly bad!

This has got me really angry!!!!

Its hard to get a foot on the ladder when your starting out, especially in some industries where you have to 'prove' yourself through doing unpaid work experience placements. Before I start the rant I must say I have done a number of unpaid work experience placements, they have proved useful but have meant I have had to take a hit in the old finances with travel expenses etc. This hit can be bad for some especially if you have to pay for a hotel, as I know some people who have done this, but as the experiences are usually around two weeks the damage is limited. There is also the argument that by offering unpaid experiences you limit down your candidates just to, mainly, middle class/upper class educated people who can afford to work for free for a period of time, therefore depriving a larger number of people who are more than capable of doing the job, but cannot do so as they cannot afford not to work! The answer to both these problems is pay work experience! I think this is only fair as when you undertake work experience you don't just sit there watching, you perform actually duties that help out the company and in effect do a job for them, so as as you are doing a job you should be rewarded accordingly. Therefore companies should only offer work experience when they can pay the people for doing the placement and if they can't pay they shouldn't offer any placements!

With that in mind I found this morning a perfect example of how companies are exploiting graduates into working for a long period of time for no money, with the prospect that 'there could be a full time position at the end of it' .

Here's the job post in full

The Bank (I was going too keep the company name to myself, but sod it!!) has decided to look for a number of interns, firstly because the company is doing well and needs more people, but secondly because of the current employment situation for Graduates it is the right thing to do.

After several account wins this year, we are growing. We've recently employed a number of new employees and we are now looking for several interns to come and help our busy and vibrant agency.

We’re looking for intelligent and ambitious graduates (minimum 2:1 degree); wanting their first break into the agency-world.
You must be presentable and articulate, possess strong interpersonal skills, and have a great command of the English language.
This is a busy, fun but sometimes stressful environment, so a strong sense of humour and a degree of calm is absolutely necessary.

We would like successful candidates to commit to a minimum of 3 months

All sounds great so far, 3 months at an agency who seam to care that the graduate market is on its arse and want to do 'the right thing' by offering intern opportunities. Well I'm afraid their 'morals' go straight out the window with the remuneration!

We feel this is an opportunity for you to learn and gain industry experience first-hand. However, please note this is non-paid as we believe this is an internship of mutual benefit. We will though be paying travel expenses, and you will receive lunch each day (we have a fantastic award winning chef who feeds us all every day).
We are growing, and if you prove yourself over the 3 months whilst you’re here, employment is a real possibility.

Firstly if you are doing so well then you should be able to pay interns!

Secondly, you have narrowed your field down even more then I discussed previously from middle class who can afford it, to now only middle class who can afford it who live in London! Put it this way for a three month internship you would have to live in London with rent costing anything from £500 a month this means you could be paying a total of £1,500 exc food bills!!! That's a hell of a lot for anyone never mind graduates who are already thousands of pound in debt! So therefore this rules out anyone from outside the London area!

Thirdly this opportunity is not 'mutually beneficial' as you describe but only beneficial to you, the company, as you get someone in doing a job for no pay what so ever, and the argument that you are providing the person with invaluable experience and a great CV is a pile of sh*t!! Your employees are probably getting invaluable experience and a great CV but they are also getting paid for the job they do! Plus there is no guarantee of a job at the end of it, either at the company or any other company!

Fourthly, wow a top chef cooks lunch!!!! If, as I mentioned, the intern has to spend money on rent (£1500, exc food!!!) this may be the only meal the intern gets so it best be bloody good!

Why don't you stop pretending that you are doing this for the 'right reasons' and just say that you are doing this to get some kid in to do your dirty work for no pay what so ever! Maybe your just trying to justify it be making yourselves out to be the good Samaritans of the industry, well I can tell you that you ain't!!

Guilty Pleasures

I was reading the Guardian online the other day and there was an article about people's guilty pleasures. Some examples included things like watching their cat yawn, listening in on other peoples conversations/reading text messages over peoples shoulder, the smell of petrol, murder she wrote etc.. I remember one particular application I did asked to name a guilty pleasure of yours, looking back the answer I gave was pretty s**t, I said about the salad cream addiction I have, but I'm not guilty about it at all, in fact I tell pretty much anyone I meet about it! In essence I think I answered the question what are your peculiar pleasures in life?

Talking of guilty pleasures one that came up more than most was the Daily Mail Online and I know that me and Joe both share this pleasure. Reading the message boards is hilarious, especially if you start with the worst rated! As many on the guardian message board mentioned it makes you feel a lot better about yourself.

As well the Daily Mail another guilty pleasure has to be watching trash TV, I'm not talking the Hills or any sh*te like that here, the Hills and programmes like that are just crap where some people swan about doing nothing in particular and just look cool. The kind of programmes I'm talking about are things like Date my Mom, Sweet 16, Flavour of Love and my current favourite the Rock of Love! They're absolutely amazing, in fact some of the best shows on TV. For those that have never seen them here's a run down:

Date my Mom: Guy goes out on date with 3 girls 'moms' and chooses which girl to date from these. The best parts of the show come in the things the girls tell the mums not to say on the date (but say anyway!!!) and the cut away to the guys with the cheesy lines. Some particular favourites include the mom who talked about her daughter getting her period at a restaurant, the mom who was flirting with the guy in the pool and him using the lines "there was a lump in my throat....and in my pants!". This ends where the guy chooses the mum of the girl he wants to date. The bitter losers abuse the guy "Your not good enough for my daughter anyway etc..." and show what you could have won, while the winner runs over to the guy, hugs and they run off into the sunset, literally! It always adds extra comedy when the guy picks the worst of the pack!

Sweet 16: American spoilt brats get a 16th birthday party which involves getting a big expensive car, a rap group to sing at their party and everything else they want. The comedy comes when its not the right car/rap group, they embarrass themselves by trying to look cool by performing a choreographed dance routine on stage or one of the guests spoils the party. Their reactions to any of these are priceless!

Rock of Love and Flavour of Love: These are pretty much exactly the same show but both equally brilliant. The basic premise is you take one famous guy, a load of women/whores/attention seekers who want to date him and stick them on a show where they try to get dates with said man. You have to complete tasks to win the dates and when your on a date you have to impress or you could be kicked of the show, this usually means that the women go around snogging the face off the guy at any given opportunity and you best put out or your off! As well as this the girls usually get bitchy and cat fights happen pretty much every episode. Amazing! One of the greatest moments came in Flavour of Love, but I'll let Jimmy Carr explain it below much better than I ever could!

Hopefully I'll do more guilty pleasures in the future!

He's back!

I'm talking about the guy below! God he gets alot of work in ads. He was first spotted doing a burger king ad, he then moved up in the world staring in a national lottery scratchcard ad. Things then went a bit quiet, maybe he took some time off to spend the fortune he must of made!! But when your a serious actor (as he must be) the call of the stage/screen is too much and many are drawn back. Well the call of the ad has drawn this supreme talent back. Firstly to ease him back in, a return to a new burger king ad (which i cant find but its pretty much the same as the old burger king ad!) but for the second time he has two ads running at the same time as he stars in this carlsberg ad as well! God he is good! He has that everyman quality, everyone can identify with him and with that kind of talent he could go far!

Is that you Albion???

If it is you Albion, then check this out. It's a magazine I've created about me just for you. I hope you like it!

Open publication - Free publishing - More quinn

Innovation

A few years ago a good friend of mine Andrew "Pants" Marshalsea outlined his theory on innovation. This theory was that companies had secretly come up with a product that was pretty much a perfect product and they had actually developed this perfect product and made it!! He then said that instead of bringing out this perfect product onto the market, they introduced small incremental changes, therefore keeping competitors from improving on what they thought was their perfect product, but also allowing companies to keep money rolling in over a longer period of time. His example for this was babies nappies, he said that companies such as Pampers had already created the perfect nappy but brought out these advancements in small steps, ultimate dryness in one, improved maneuverability in another, easy fastening on another etc... Over time these where brought out and then combined, all the time getting closer and closer to the perfect product. I like the theory, it is quite realistic and has an air of conspiracy about it which is quite nice. The theory can apply to most products nappies, electronics etc. But one product I thought it wouldn't apply to until now was paper. I thought we had hit the peak of innovation for paper, I thought it was pretty much perfect but oh no I was wrong!! I saw an advert last night for Oxford Optic paper!!! This revolutionary paper has a distinct advantage over normal paper and one that will blow your mind! Its a quality Optic paper that allows you to ....wait for it........write on both sides of the page!!!!!! Oh my god what a breakthrough!!!! Now I'm no paper expert but cant you already write on both sides of the page? Ok this paper is advertising that ink doesn't show through from one side to another, but for a school pad who cares! If you want to see this innovation in action check out the ad below but I for one wont be investing in this magic innovation and will stick to writing on both sides of my normal crappy non optic paper!

People I want to punch in ads continued......

Its been a long time since I posted about people in adverts I wanted to punch. I think it stopped with Michael Winner but I'm not quite sure! Well since then a couple have taken up that mantle, there have probably been a lot more but they have slipped my mind, however heres a couple of idiots I'd like to punch (I think others would too, especially if they where walking down the street in the style you see at 43 seconds onwards.)

VW Independent Cinema

My attention was brought to these ads by Joe "our man" Ellison, soon to be of shortlist fame!! As a big film buff (he has over 10 dvd's in his collection! Thats a jokes, its considerably more than 10) he can not so regularly be found watching independent films at the not so local independent cinema. Anyway he showed me these VW ads that run in independent cinemas and I think they are bloomin marvelous! There's a selection to choose from, some explaining cult films for what they truly are and some exploring the lives of people that have taken the messages of films onboard and live their lives by those messages. But all are lovely, quirky, funny and entertaining. I also love the thinking behind it, firstly showing how films can change and affect lives whether that is for better or worse (Depending on your viewpoint). Also showing how independent cinema is (I believe) all about deeper meaning, designed for a more discerning audience who want to look into the films and discover the meanings for themselves, not just spoon fed the meaning/moral in some cheesy disney style and these ads do that beautifully by taking cult films and dissecting the underlying meanings in the films that nobody would have ever thought about! My favourite has to be Toy Story.

Speaking of that god dam squirrel!

Not so secret squirrel

I was speaking in the last post about the whole media attention that squirrel got just because it was in a photo! If you don't have a clue what I'm on about then the picture in question is below.

Well I was also speaking about reaction advertising, where agencies see a news story or something around them and then create a piece of work to play on this. I used examples such as virgin trains running ads advertising how they could get Katie and Peter back together faster than a magazine deal. Well TBWA\Manchester has run with the squirrel! See the campaign below.

The thing is its a bit, well, crap! There's a really good strategy in here, but they have missed it! "If only they'd gone to Jessops"! The line is rubbish. What would Jessops have done! Are they saying that by going to Jessops you can control everything around you and get perfect pictures, well they cant, maybe Jessops can photoshop out these things that ruin photos, well they cant! If it was a huge thumb that ruined the picture then the line and strategy would be perfect, but it isn't a thumb its a bloody squirrel! Surely they should have gone with something like "Perfect timing: Jessops can develop your snaps in so many minutes" or "for picture quality you wont believe!" something along those lines! If only the North Face logo on the guys jacket was little bit bigger, North face could run a campaign with the same photo maybe maybe with the line "enjoy nature". Maybe the Canadian tourist board could run a campaign with this picture or even find out what camera was used and the manufacturer could use the picture in a campaign! Oh and what is the recent obsession with chipmunks, squirrels and bloody meerkats!!!!

Censorship and silly season!

Censorship is doing the rounds a bit lately. First of all I noticed a few weeks ago that the title of Tarantino' s latest film had changed titles from inglourious basterds to just inglourious! They did well to censor it on posters etc but in some TV interviews with Tarantino they just used a blur effect the obscure the word basterds! A bit tame in my opinion (oh and on the film, we went to watch it on Friday and its very good! Go watch it especially for the performance given by Christoph Waltz (Col Hans Landa aka the jew hunter) who manages to be both menacing and funny at the same time, but if your offended by the word Basterd I'd give it a miss as you probably wont like the scene when a nazi gets beaten to death with a baseball bat or pretty much most of the scenes for that matter! Another censorship that I saw on the Guardian website was that of lesbian vampire killers on dvd, someone has taken offense to the word lesbian and decided to place a censorship sticker over the word. If I was the censor people I would be more concerned that this film was made/released/thought of. Ok thats a bit harsh but I would definitely endorse a big sticker on it warning the potential buyer that this film contains no funny moments at all, the same sticker could probably be used when the BBC bring out the Horne & Corden first series on DVD as well!

As well as censorship, silly season is again in full swing in the media! For those that don't know silly season is the period when the papers start running stupid stories because, well, they have nothing better report on! First of all it was the story that Benson (I remembered his name as I thought it would probably come up as a question in our local pub quiz!) England's largest carp was dead, apparently poisoned! Other stories reported on a penguin who was bald being given a bloody wetsuit as he was getting a bit chilly in the cold waters, killer chipmunks attacking people and finally last week there was a huge story about a squirrel that popped up in a photo! OK it was funny to look at but the media reaction was considerably over the top! The only thing that I don't think I have seen, but is a perennial silly season story, is some sort of shark attack off the English/Spanish coast! We'll have to wait for next year for that one to raise its head again! Having said that there has been a good effort this year (it could still get better yet!) but it will never beat the story of "squirrels on crack" from a few years back!

Cancer Watch!!!!

God its evil, just look at it!!!

Aghhh there is a beautiful return of my old friend the conflicting report in the same paper concerning foods that give you cancer, but this time we see a little bit of a twist on it. First there's the cancer story. The world cancer research fund are advising parents not to put processed ham or salami in kids lunch boxes as it is unhealthy, therefore leading to unhealthy habits in the future and therefore increase risk of getting bowel cancer in later life. So in essence there is a link between eating processed meats and cancer. But in a lovely twist in the same paper is a report that eating disorder charities are seeing an increase in people suffering from a serious psychological condition characterised by an obsession with healthy eating. No bloody wonder!!!! When the media bring out reports that such a thing gives you cancer, and diet books tell you that its bad to eat such a thing then its no surprise some people will take it too far because they're being bombarded by these messages from all bloody angles! Well in a sign of defiance to obsession with healthy eating, for my lunch I had a processed ham sandwich and a bag of crisps (which I have mentioned in another cancer post is meant to cause cancer as well!!), god I walking a fine line here, in theory doubling my risk of cancer!! Hold on a second they where salt and vinegar crisps and salt increases the risk of heart attack!!! Maybe I've gone too far, I think I need to call the doctor for a check up.

Blazin squad found alive and well!

Where you concerned of the whereabouts of that cheeky chappie crew known as the blazin squad? I know I was!!! I was concerned that they may have fallen in with the wrong crowd and got themselves into a little bit of bother or something! However I was relieved to see them appear on the Guardian website. It appears they've lost a few members along the way (might have lost them to drugs or alcohol, fame can get to some people!) but it looks they're branching out into new avenues! I always thought their routine was a bit static so maybe they're going to come back all singing, all dancing! I cant wait!

Heres the new squad pic!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/17/peewee-boyz-cheerleaders

Life in the fast lane!

Technology has allowed us to communicate faster than ever before. Emails can be sent around the world instantly, however in some cases its just made things slower! I'll stay away from people never getting back to you on email because it will just turn into a rant and I'll probably do it in another post in the future. What I'm thinking of is things that are there to make life faster but just slow us down. Take for example the drive thru at fast food places. Everyone is so lazy that they all go through the drive thru, this means no one goes into the place! Therefore its much quicker to park up, go in and get your food. You come out way before you would have ever got it if you had been sat in the drive thru! Another one that got me the other day was a vending machine. Vending machines used to be simple, just press a button and the item you wanted just fell out, well this one was like a bloody robot! You choose the item and then a robotic arm went up grabbed the item and returned to a slot where it could be collected. It felt like one of those fairground machines where you have to grapple the prize (think toy story aliens!). The whole process took about 2 minutes, when a simple drop the item into the hole would have been less then 2o secs! I'm sure I'll think of some in time, maybe make this a regular feature like "things that should make life quicker but don't section" but with a much sharper name!

Parenting masterclass!

Newspapers (Daily Mail) keep telling us how Britain is failing, society is broken and parents are failing kids. Well I take all of that with a pinch of salt (maybe its because I live in quite a rural village and one robbery would constitute a crime wave). But sometimes you see parents failing kids in action! I've probably seen this loads of times but one incident opened my eyes to the damage some parents are doing to their children. This incident I speak of is one that still strikes terror into my heart! It all began on an autumn afternoon when I was waiting for a train at Salford Cresent train station, also on the platform was a young mum, her boyfriend and what seamed to be the grandmother. Both ladies were wearing beautiful valour tracksuits, one in a baby pink if I remember correctly (these should be banned!) anyway the kid was kicking up a bit of a fuss (probably saw that it didn't have a chance, was trying to escape and throw itself on the tracks!). So to calm the child down the Gran leaned over the pram and began to sing what at first I thought was a sweet lullaby, but oh no, she proceeded to sing to the child No Limit by 2Unlimited!! I was shocked and to this day think that it must be a figment of my imagination, but then who could make up something like that up! That was quite a few years back, but the other day another parenting masterclass came along. Again at a train station (maybe a trend here!) 3 kids, a gran and their Dad (I think Dad anyway, he was pretty young though!). All 3 kids had picachu backpacks on one looked up to dad and said something like "I gonna put picachu down here" or something along those line to which the Dad replied along the lines of "how about I kick picachu in the head!" You have to laugh! Another great parenting theme is drinking while pregnant, I have never seen it in real life but it must be rife if Carling has to put signs like the one below on cans, maybe these people cant read and need a visual representation!

Whats goin on!

All the embedded video files on this blog from youtube dont seem to work in internet explorer browser but are fine in firefox! The moral of the story is for full ramblings of a madman goodness use firefox.

Cancer Watch!!!

I have been a bit slow on the old blog of late, I don't know why maybe it seems less attractive when the weather is nice! Maybe I just lost some motivation for it! Hopefully this post will spur me on and reinvigorate my blogging efforts. So to kick off this new motivated period I'll start with a cancer story but one with a unusual twist! Firstly the cancer part. "Vegetarians less likely to develop cancer than meat eaters, says study". So there you have it, if you want to reduce your risk of cancer, particularly blood cancer, then go veggie! Where this story slightly differs from others is that it doesn't suggest that this is proven, in fact saying that "Scientists acknowledge more research still needed". Usually these reports spout out these studies like they are 100% proven (maybe its because I usually read these reports in rags like the metro and mirror), I'm reminded of the MMR media coverage where one report by a dodgy doc was spouted out by the media like it was fact and many others showing totally different results basically ignored, causing hysteria amongst parents across the country. But having now seen an unbiased article about cancer and what does/does not cause it I think I like the sensational ones better, I mean wheres the fun in a none sensational cancer story, there isn't any!

Reaction advertising

I'm not sure that's the technical term, maybe there isn't a technical term! But anyway marketing communications has always been great at reacting to stories or other ads that appear and using them for the advantage of the client. I cant think of any other industry that can take a news story/ads and twist it to benefit the clients business so quickly and effectively. Here's some examples of what I mean.

This spoof of the barclaycard waterslide ad



Expenses have been making a few appearences for both specsavers and tourism South Australia










That will do for now!

OUT!!! I'm not gettin that!

Well its that time of year again when we can all pretend we love Tennis, its pretty much the same with every sport. When the British tournament of that sport comes along everyone gets interested, golf, F1, tennis, snooker, darts...........the list could go on. Once the tournaments start people all of a sudden become experts and want to play. Tennis courts that lie empty most weeks suddenly become rammed, snooker halls full, golf courses overloaded. If I'm honest I am one of these people, I look at Wimbledon and think I could do that its easy and I continue to believe that I could have been a professional footballer! I believe my best position is probably defensive midfield, like 4-1-3-1, however when I was a lad it was 4-4-2 all the way which I don't think caters for my talent, so basically I was robbed of stardom by an insistence to play the good old English 4-4-2! Many people probably think the same way, probably not about the football issue of 4-4-2 vs 4-1-3-1, but about sports they see, however the reality is very different! Tennis is quite possibly the most frustrating of all sports to actually play. Firstly you are your own ball boy. You go for a great serve, it hits the net! You then have to get the ball. Serve again, hit the net again, get the ball. This time a good serve a rally of approx 5 then a smash over the fence, you then have to retrieve the ball! Most of the time your not playing your bloody getting the ball! That's not what I want, I want non stop action, not 10 seconds of action followed by 5 minutes of ball finding! Secondly contentious line calls. Pretty much every match I have ever played has ended up with someone being in a huff about some call or other! It happens in the pro game too but they have technology to decide whether its in or out, but in a park game its just pretty much arguments all round! So by the time you've got the balls back and had an argument about whether the ball was in or out, you've spent most of your time not playing! Its the same with darts and snooker, they look easy but you spend most of your time missing and chasing loose darts/balls! Indoor 5 a side football and squash have got the right idea! They're basically sports played in rooms, so you spend all of your time playing and none of your time fetching things! Maybe its time we started looking at sport and making them a bit more exciting! Maybe using technology, take for example Snooker, they could develop technology that could suggest shots, show angles for escapes and other things on the actual table, maybe incorporate overhead cameras to show different views of the table. Users could plug in usb to record the game data and take it home and analyse the game, with hints, tips and tutorials online to improve the players performance next time. This could be done with loads of sports and I'm sure it would not only get people more interested in the sports, aid enjoyment for both social players and serious players but also aid improvement of future stars in the sports.

Serious Nuclear Threat!

Its closer to home than we thought! Its time to Panic!!!!!

Thanks Jag for pointing this out to me!

ITV going for the hat trick!

God two posts with football related titles one after another! Well this one concerns ITV's coverage of the UEFA champions league final. We only have digital TV so I had to watch the final on ITV. Judging by ITV's cock up earlier this year with the Everton Liverpool match where they cut to the adverts during the game at pretty much the point where Everton scored you would have thought they would learn the lesson regarding technical issues, but oh no! The coverage on Wednesday night was littered with technical issues! Firstly the sound levels kept changing constantly, and when interviews where taking place there were echos. Secondly and more importantly they lost the score and clock from the match up until about the 70th minute, which was a right pain in the arse!! Mainly because I had no idea what time was left but also because people arriving late had no idea of the score. My brother came home during the middle of the first half thinking it was still 0-0 as there was no score on the screen! Also images kept freezing and you could only tell what was happening as the commentary was still in time. Maybe these issues where out of their control but hearing people who watched sky say there was no such problem, which makes me think it was ITV up to its old tricks. Anyway ITV go for the hat trick of major match cock ups this weekend with the FA cup final! I wonder what kind of issue they can come up with! Maybe they could just show the crowd for the full 90 minutes and not the match, therefore having to let the viewer guess what is going on from just the reaction of the fans? We'll just have to wait and see!

Another thing that annoys me is ITV bias! On Wednesday night for the duration of the match ITV was quickly swapped with MUTV, its the only way you can explain the man u cheer leading squad that was on! Sheringham is possibly the worst for this! They usually try to make out that everyone in Britain will support the British team, this is a nice idea but it isn't the reality, which was even said once during the commentary, so at least they have realised! The thing that was the worst was in the build up they only concentrated on Man U, like they were the only ones that could win it and it was their destiny, not giving Barcelona any time at all! I'm not stupid enough to say this only happens with Man U matches as it happens with Liverpool matches all the time as well and as a Liverpool fan some of the stuff they say makes me feel nauseous! Things like "the kop are like one mind" and all that bulls**t, we know you are trying to build up the British team but come on give us a break!

Everton Two - Liverpool One

I'm not talking about football here. I'm talking about the branding of their new superstores. Everton are re branding their superstores and have come up with a nice concept in calling the superstores numbers. For the store at Goodison Park it will be called Everton One and the city centre store will be Everton Two. Its a simple strategy but one that is clear and works well. However whats exciting about about that?? Well they have managed to get a nice little PR stunt out of the rebrand. You see the store in the city centre will be in the Liverpool One complex therefore making the address of the new store: Everton Two, Liverpool One. Its a great idea, its witty and is a great way to publicise the new store in the media. I mean its got me talking and I probably wont have even bothered to blog if it was not for this angle. It could also be great in that the store could have instore advertising with the Everton Two, Liverpool One line on it which again is a fantastic idea. I know that in reality no one cares about the address? No one is going to turn up to the shopping complex and ask where is Everton Two, Liverpool One is! Its a gimmick that will wear off soon and the store will just become a generic shop name maybe discussed occasionally in the sense of "have you been to Everton Two in Liverpool One?" which doesn't quite make sense of the angle. But as an exercise in initially bringing peoples attention to the store its brilliant! Good work Everton.

Is the jingle making a comeback??

Ahhh the good old jingle, back in the day the jingle was on top form and was pretty usful and it made people remember the brand and they probably still remember the jingle and therefore the brand! Here's some example of good old jingles.









I could go on! Anyway jingles fell out of fashion with agencies and the public, for example the reaction to this ad was amazing!



But can we now see the "green shoots" of recovery for the ad jingle!

This one has to be one of the worst songs ever!!!


I actually like this one!


A remix of a classic

Scooter Cleaning wit..
Watch the ad...

Ohh la la! Hotpots never been so sexy

I was talking about tourism ads a few posts ago. Mainly about the trend to start using celebs from that country to promote it. But Blackpool has gone in a totally different direction, and its a direction I like. A nice story shot in an art house fashion that is trying to appeal to a french audience that they should go visit Blackpool. Its good, it made me think about visiting Blackpool for a split second and I bloody well hate Blackpool so imagine someone who has never been to Blackpool and seen the horror (opinion), this ad would probably persuade them that its worth looking into! There are however a few things that got me!

At first glance you think god this girls sexy, but after a few watches you realise you have been well and truly conned! She isn't good looking at all and this con is all down to the french accent, it makes her seem good looking but all the time she only sounds good looking (This isn't a negative of the ad but probably more an observation on the effect of different accents, and before you pull me up on it people can sound good looking!)

If you listen closely you can hear alarms or police sirens it starts at about 9 seconds and stops at about 15 seconds, not the greatest sounds when you are trying to promote a place to someone! Another thing is the subtitles. Subtitling is great as I can understand different languages instantly, however they at one point subtitle the french with french! It happens when she mentions food. Why would the French need french subtitles?? Also it suggests that if they go to Blackpool and order a croque monsieur the waitress/Waiter will know what it is, well I don't think they will, I had to look it up! (Its a ham and cheese toastie).

One thing they got right was the stereotypical Northerner, a role model for Northerners everywhere! He hates London and thinks the "weather is rubbish in London" as apposed to the almost Mediterranean climates of Blackpool, Liverpool and Manchester! And he gets "love" in wherever possible! Oui love, oui will surely become the latest saying for all Northern kids.

Finally there are some words that said in English by foreigners accents are hilarious. For example pyrotechnics from a South African accent but with the french its short rhyming words like splish splosh and now the amazing hot pot.

Credit Crunch Millionaire!

In these tough times everyone has to watch their pennies! Even Millionaires! Take a look at this fellow, he's had the good fortune of winning the monopoly lottery scratch card and won a million pounds!



But this hasn't changed him one bit! He still eats out at burger king and values every penny he can get his hands on!

Our survey says

According to research carried out by the cinema advertising association these are the UK's top ten favourite films:

1. Dirty Dancing

2. The Shawshank Redemption

3. Star Wars

4. High School Musical

5. Lord Of The Rings

6. Grease

7. Mamma Mia!

8. The Sound Of Music

9. The Matrix

10. Gone With The Wind

I mentioned in a post some time back that for people to register a complaint they should take some sort of test to prove they are of sound mind and not just a nutter. Well I think this survey proves that the test should also apply to people taking part in surveys! Dirty Dancing! Come on! I know many people love the film but its nowhere near the best film ever. I could understand if it snuck in the at number 6 -10 but number 1! And don't get me started on High School Musical!!!!

A futher example of the nutters gettin there complaints in has been the ad below which has recieved 11 complaints about the ad being racist!

As one commenter put it "It's so racist! Just like in snooker where the evil Ayrian white ball keeps bashing the coloured ones into isolated makeshift prisons. Ban that too."

Fantasy Dinner Guests

If you could invite 1 person to a fantasy dinner (dead, alive, fictional (maybe we could expand it into people who aren't even born yet?)) who would you invite and why? This question came up on loads of the application forms I was filling out last year for the big ad agencies and is pretty much guaranteed to come up in any ad interview. However it may also stray into everyday situations. I'll let you into my thinking on the subject! 1 person is easy! For me its Sooty. The reason for this being:

1. What does Sooty sound like? Some people say he cant talk but they're wrong, he can talk. I have seen him whispering into peoples ears! Also on the same theme what accent does he have? He could be a cockney geezer, a brummie, scouse who knows? Maybe he could be from foreign lands?



2. What does Sooty eat? I don't think I have ever seen him eat? I think he probably doesn't eat which is a positive for me. You see for a fantasy dinner you will probably be eating at a very posh restaurant and judging by the portion sizes I have seen on the tele from posh restaurants I could eat two mains no problems, so if Sooty doesn't eat that all the more for me!



3. What is he like in real life? On tele he is great, but is he a bit of a diva in real life?



4. He's entertaining!!!! He can do magic after all! Also if he gets a bit boring/is a diva then you can just lock him in his box!

At the moment for two people I would choose Sooty and Hugh Jackman. For my feelings on Hugh see my previous post.

Its when you have to think of 3/4 people that it becomes a little more tricky! I wont go into that here as I overthink the whole thing, so much so that I could probably write a dissertation on the subject and to be honest its quite disturbing the lengths I have thought into this! So I will avoid it!

Good work!

Here's some ads I am liking at the moment, maybe its an animated silhouette thing? I particularly like the first one for Jordan's Country Crisp. Great use of the line 'thinking inside the box' and some lovely subtle touches in the ad, especially the high five!!! Also who better to signify nature in the voice over than Bill Oddie! Brilliant! I think the Red Sky ad is also nice maybe its the use of music, similar idea with the nature animation but also lovely use of music. Ads just seam that much better when they have a good soundtrack.





The thought of a great soundtrack got me thinking about a blog post I saw a few weeks ago. It shows perfectly how important music is and how a change in the music of a certain scene can change the whole mood.

original


with new soundtrack

Celebrity promotion

Ahhhh good old celebs, they'll get onboard anything! Coleen Nolan and Kerry Katona love Iceland food (actually I can see Katona going to Iceland for her shopping! I wish she would go to Iceland the country and not not come back!), Lineker cant get enough of Walkers crisps, there's too many to bloody count that love Morrisons/Tesco and Nell McAndrew loves pretty much anything that will pay her! But its not just the domain of your Z listers, heavyweights such as Emilio Estevaz (amongst others) for Orange, Bruce Willis, Ringo Star and Macaulay Culkin have been spotted in the Aviva ads, Numerous glamorous women in make up/Loreal commercials and even Georgey boy Clooney (I hope that's what his friends call him! Does he have any friends?) has been spotted in ads such as Nespresso and Martini. The problem with the majority of celeb endorsements is that you know that they probably don't use the product! There are exceptions of course, apparently Marco Pierre White loved Knorr stock cubes and hearing this Knorr approached him to become a "brand ambassador". But its nice to see celebs promoting something that is/was an essential part of their lives. I'm talking about the countries that they come from. Over the years we've seen many an ad for different countries/parts of the country, take for example at this very moment on TV there are ads for Cyprus, Italy, California, North East England, Wales, Scotland and the Balearic Islands (from memory). Most of these ads show the country/area and what it has to offer, but recently there's been a switch to using celebs from that country/region to promote it. The majority of these ads are horrible (California is an exception). Especially the Scotland singing one and Rafa Nadal's horrible ad for the Balearic Islands. Firstly the Scotland one:



Connery's non singing is cringe worthy!!! I also have a slight problem with Lulu. It seems to me that over the years she has been trying to get away from her Scottish roots, by adapting her accent but breaking into it at certain points (especially talking about her parents or childhood), probably to the point where many people have totally forgot she is from Scotland. In my view if you are going to use a celeb to promote a country then the celeb must be synonymous with that country and Lulu doesn't fit the bill in my opinion. To test this theory I asked my mum where Lulu was from, she said Liverpool! I could be wrong on this though!

Although Rafa Nadal is synonymous with Spain and the Balearic Islands it doesn't make up for this shocking ad! Which I can only find in Spanish on Youtube.



What can I say about it! The computer graphics are rubbish, the part when the fish comes out the picture and he flicks it away is terrible and the voiceover is worse. With the most horrendous part (on the UK version) being where it says "this is my home" trying to make out the voiceover is that of Rafa Nadal himself, even though it quite clearly isn't! They even have put a making of video up on youtube, its not innovative in any way and to be honest the ad is nothing to be proud of! For some reason it reminds me of this ad in Zoolander:



I can't wait for the next installment of Celebs ads promoting Countries!

Will somebody please think of the children!

Many people out there treat celebrities as some kind of role model, something to aspire to and admire, this is even more true when it comes to kids. Joe and myself always talk about the rise of fame within the younger generation, when we were kids (god we sound old!) if you were into singing and dancing you were on the path to at worst a beating and at best bullying. Its seems a large percentage of youngsters (perception) fancy themselves as some kind of star! Whether that be singing, dancing, acting, modelling or just generally being famous for nothing or to give them their full job title "Reality Star". I'm not having a go at their dreams, I mean they are just doing what popular culture is basically telling them to do. You can't go anywhere without seeing a show that promises to make you a star whatever your talent or non talent! They then see the wealth and perks of being a winner that these "star" shows bring, so its of no surprise that kids worship these stars and try to "make it" themselves. The issue I have with it is the "class" of the people they look up to. Take for example the current king of teen Zak Efron. Everybody seams to bloody love him, he can sing, he can dance, he can act and every girl in the land is in love with him. OK he may be all of those things but he is also devoid of any personality! Watch any interview he has done, he says the same things every time, he is basically controlled by his Disney minders, keeping his image in check and making sure he says nothing that will damage his reputation! If I see him spin a basketball on his finger during an interview again I will have to track him down punch him in the face and shout "its not big and its not clever". Another Disney example is Miley Cyrus. She is no better! Another Disney puppet devoid of any personality and from what I saw on Jonathan Ross lass night devoid of any class or manners! While on camera she may be sweet and innocent, living up to the Disney image, but her conduct off screen left a lot to be desired. While Simon Pegg was being interviewed the camera cut back to the green room twice and both times she wasn't paying attention as she was too busy texting on her phone! You selfish little s**t! The other guests didn't have to listen to you talk about some Hannah Montana crap but they did, you could have at least had the decency to at least show some interest in the other people on the show! I hope her Disney puppet master gave her a flogging for this! Two further examples of celebrities devoid of personality are Katy Perry and Lady GaGa! On last weeks Jonathan Ross Lady GaGa gave one of the most boring interviews ever, she just sat there looking too cool for school, giving short answers to every question and even though she was talking about interesting things she has done in her life she made it sound like it was possible the most boring thing ever! Perry is no better, I had the misfortune of watching her T4 takeover weekend a few weekends past, she also just sat there and seemed to be too cool to get involved in anything. She hardly spoke during the whole thing, it was car crash TV. I could take numerous examples of celebrities who I think are devoid of class such as Jade Goody, Jordan, Britney Spears but that would take forever! These are the people we are pushing in front of the younger generation and saying this is how to behave and how to make it as a star! God help us when the next generation of stars have even less personality! We should be pushing forward the stars with a personality, showing kids that you can be a star, have a personality and just generally be a nice person. There's one man at the moment that is doing this, at times it seems he is doing it single handed! That man is Hugh Jackman. He too has been on Jonathan Ross and has also done a T4 weekend special thing. What a contrast from the above stars, he has shown himself to be a class act. He is interesting, interested in what other people have to say, willing to get involved and controlled only by his own mind. This is the sort of example we should be showing to youngsters and I for one call for more celebs to come forward, show us their true personalities and break free from the control of the puppet masters around you. It will certainly make things more interesting and will only benefit the future state of celebrity and the state of the future society! Work hard, be nice!

Are you f**kin kidding me????

I thought the madness had stopped, or at least was coming to an end, but it seems I was wrong. I'm talking about the whole Jade Goody story!! First we had the papers gunning for her calling her all the names under the sun, especially with the racist bullying incident of celebrity big brother. Then when they discovered she had cancer the press made a huge u turn on the issue giving her as much press as she had ever had and as Charlie Brooker put it in his screenwipe series moving her from a "reality star" to pretty much a "star of news". As he (and private eye) pointed out the tabloids also used some quite disgusting tactics to sell their dirty red top rags where they photoshopped a picture of her with the hair removed!! These tabloid antics where complemented with a show on living, constant news channel attention and followed quickly with the glossy mags and their antics. Every week a different issue of OK, first celebrating Jade's life before she had even died, then her wedding, then her funeral after she had died and now Jade's mum Jackie is in them talking about Jade and the release of her diaries. I have also heard that a few books have been released. But I thought that the Jade media circus had reached its logical end in book form, but oh no theres more!!! Wait for it!! Theres talk of Jade's life being made into a MUSICAL!!! This is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing ever heard!! Now I've got the feeling that instead of being the end of this farce that this could just be the beginning of it! Next up the single, if tupac can realise a single after his death than I'm pretty sure Jade Goody can manage to get a single out. What about the Jade Goody action figure? A 2010 calender? Jade Goody the theme park? A Jade Goody shampoo range? The possibilities are endless.